I used to think I didn't have a type. When asked I couldn't really describe what type of person I was attracted to because I had no way to quantify it. For me that is the essence of attraction. You may know you like certain things such as blue eyes, brown hair, or whatever, but it takes a very specific combination of all those things for you to be attracted to it. So how do you know what it is you're really attracted to? Can it ever be broken down into individual characteristics or is it the combination of them all? I suppose it could be like a painting. The individual colors or brush strokes by themselves might be nice, but it must be done a certain way for you to really like it beyond just the sum of its parts.
What causes us to be attracted to someone or something? There must be a part of the brain that stores the information on what's appealing to us. And is that information hardwired into us in a way that we will always be attracted to that particular something? Sure we ourselves change and with that tastes change over time, but do those tastes change because of something physical in us or is something else at work? Some guys will always prefer young women to those of their own age. Those tastes have to come from somewhere. It could be that we were built to be attracted to something before we had a choice, which would indicate there was purpose or even a plan to how we're created.
Many people believe that homosexuality is something your born with. If that's true then the question would have to be "Why?" I'm not saying it's right or wrong, but if a person is truly born that way then was it just random or was their something at work that caused that to be true? Strictly speaking from a continuation of the species point of view, homosexuality is a dead end. People who are gay are not built with the desire to be with the opposite sex and that's pretty much required to continue any sort of bloodline. Now granted with today's technology it's not as big an issue. And maybe that's part of it. Maybe somehow our bodies know that it's no longer required that a man and woman be together to create a child. There are other options that can be used to pass along our genes to the next generation. I don't know if there has been a rise in homosexuality in the last hundred years or even last fifty. It's been reported that anywhere from 2% to 13% of the Western population are homosexual. I doubt very much that there is recorded data for anything farther back than the last century. Kinsey reported in 1953 that about 46% of men responded sexually to people of both genders, which would suggest that many people may feel the inclination at some point, but only a fraction act on it.
Of course the other side of the argument is that homosexuality is a choice. That instead of being born with an innate attraction to the same gender, you somehow decide to go that route. It really comes back to the whole Nature vs Nurture debate. My question is that if homosexuality is a choice then wouldn't that mean any type of attraction is based on choice? Can that be true though? Think about who/what you're attracted to. I suppose you can force yourself to become attracted to something, almost like an acquired taste. Still I don't know that I have much choice when it comes to my attraction to Salma Hayek. It's not as though I consciously decided that she was what I was going be attracted to. It was automatic. And again what is it about her that is the epitome of attractiveness to me? Was there something in my life that made me find dark hair and skin was more attractive than blond hair and fair skin? Or was it when I was born that I was already predetermined to be attracted to her?
Is there such a thing as someone who is universally attractive? Meaning that regardless of preference you would recognize them as being empirically attractive. Some people may find beauty in one thing where others only see ugliness. Scientists have discovered that the smell of death is universal so that all species recognize it. Now it depends on the species what they do with that information. Some will see it as a sign that there is potentially food near by. Others will take it as a warning. My point is that everyone everywhere knows about death's smell. If that's the case then can it be that everyone everywhere would recognize something attractive?
In the end I wonder if people really know where their attractions come from. By understanding where they come from one might grasp how to control them a little better. Maybe it's like art where you know what you like, even if you don't know why you like it.
Showing posts with label sex. Show all posts
Showing posts with label sex. Show all posts
Saturday, July 31, 2010
Thursday, June 24, 2010
On Sex...Again
I've heard it been said by several adults that a young woman's virginity is the most precious gift she can give. I'm not exactly sure why that is though. In the end sex is really just about friction. It's skin rubbing against skin, which happens to feel really good. That's kind of like saying that the best gift you can give someone is a really good scratch on the back. By the way scientists are actually researching why scratching feels good, so who knows maybe there is some connection. The most precious gift is allowing someone else to rub your skin for you? Wouldn't it make more sense for the most precious thing you can give to someone else be a part of your soul? In the grand scheme of things if there is an eternal soul then sharing that with another would be more lasting and hopefully more important than the fleeting pleasure of skin on skin.
I think part of the problem is the amount of importance that it's given. It starts at an early age too. Parents try very hard to hide it from children because their parents hid it from them. So it becomes this mystery that everyone wants to know more about, but because the people with the most knowledge and experience aren't talking, kids have to go and find out for themselves. As I've mentioned before, there is a certain amount of guilt associated with sex, usually put there by adults and/or society in general. If it feels that good then it must be wrong. What if we got the same amount of pleasure from eating a specific food or hearing music? Would that food or that music then be associated with guilt as well? For some reason that who mentality makes me wonder why certain substances are illegal. Is it because they are "harmful" or is it because they've crossed over from good feeling to guilty good? I suppose that's a subject for another time. So we're taught that sex is wrong or dirty and yet it's somehow magically ok once you get married. Marriage for the most part is just the government's recognition of two people as a couple. Essentially you're asking the government for permission to have sex then. I'm guessing that's how some people want it though.
To make matters worse there are some people out there who think that any form of information will only lead to more sex. That mystery I mentioned before must remain a mystery. The idea that abstinence is sex education is something that seems to have made a bit of a comeback. Not teaching children about sex is a bit like sticking your head in the sand. When doctors, who are experts, are asked about how to proceed with sex education, they tend to say that more information is better, not less. And yet for the most part that advice is largely ignored by so many groups. The consensus from experts is that teaching abstinence doesn't prevent teenagers from having sex, it only prevents them from having safe sex. In their attempts to suppress anything sexual, those who want nothing to do with sex have in fact helped perpetuate all that they are afraid of.
Sex can be great. It can be fun. It can be one of the best things physically you do with another person. In fact it's that hope that a lot of people prey on. I'm not even talking about just porn, which is blatant in its promise of sex. Sure you could be on some less than family-oriented site where there are ads to grow your penis or how there are thousands of horny girls just begging for you to give it to them. It's the hollow promise that if you click on their link then you'll be rewarded with fantastic sex. In actuality it's probably just something to distract you so they can take your money when you have your pants around your ankles. It's an old trick with modern parts. Anyway as I was saying, it's not just porn, but nearly every commercial that uses sex as its basis. Buy this product because the implication is that it is sexy or will help you to get laid. Often times we're very simple creatures and it's not that hard to manipulate us. The thing is that even the best sex is fleeting. I'm not talking about the time it takes for the actual act (which even in marathon mode is short in the big picture), but rather the time it takes before it stops being great. In a weird way sex is like working out. The first few times your muscles are not used to the strain and are getting the most benefit from lifting the weight or running a certain distance. In a usually short time the muscles have adapted and the same number of repetitions are no longer producing the same results. You either have to increase the weight, the repetitions, or change the rotation. If you don't the work out becomes stale. Sex isn't much different. What was great yesterday may not be great tomorrow. Even if you change things up on a regular basis that firey passion will eventually fade. That isn't a bad thing. If you're lucky, what comes after the passion can be better.
So maybe you're with someone whom you've had great sex with. Maybe it's not great anymore, but still very good. It's not to say that there won't be great moments again, but that peak was reached awhile ago. It's in those times when things aren't as good as they once were that people may start looking for that high again. It's very similar to drug use and chasing after that first initial rush. We as a species can become bored quickly. It's easy to stop appreciating what you have because it's not new anymore. Some people watch bad TV when they're bored. Some people eat even when they're not hungry. And some people go out and have sex when they're bored. Now I haven't taken a survey or anything, but I would imagine the rates of adultery go up in the winter when there is less to do. The same is probably true during times of war, but that's most likely less out of boredom and more from the fact that people just get lonely. I suppose one could also argue that there is some biological imperative built-in. If your mate is absent and likely to die then the most logical thing to do to continue the bloodline is to sleep with your neighbor.
In the end we become pretty stupid when it comes to getting a little bit of pleasure. It's been the basis for wars, murder, lies, and heartbreak. Strange how something that can feel so good can cause so much pain.
I think part of the problem is the amount of importance that it's given. It starts at an early age too. Parents try very hard to hide it from children because their parents hid it from them. So it becomes this mystery that everyone wants to know more about, but because the people with the most knowledge and experience aren't talking, kids have to go and find out for themselves. As I've mentioned before, there is a certain amount of guilt associated with sex, usually put there by adults and/or society in general. If it feels that good then it must be wrong. What if we got the same amount of pleasure from eating a specific food or hearing music? Would that food or that music then be associated with guilt as well? For some reason that who mentality makes me wonder why certain substances are illegal. Is it because they are "harmful" or is it because they've crossed over from good feeling to guilty good? I suppose that's a subject for another time. So we're taught that sex is wrong or dirty and yet it's somehow magically ok once you get married. Marriage for the most part is just the government's recognition of two people as a couple. Essentially you're asking the government for permission to have sex then. I'm guessing that's how some people want it though.
To make matters worse there are some people out there who think that any form of information will only lead to more sex. That mystery I mentioned before must remain a mystery. The idea that abstinence is sex education is something that seems to have made a bit of a comeback. Not teaching children about sex is a bit like sticking your head in the sand. When doctors, who are experts, are asked about how to proceed with sex education, they tend to say that more information is better, not less. And yet for the most part that advice is largely ignored by so many groups. The consensus from experts is that teaching abstinence doesn't prevent teenagers from having sex, it only prevents them from having safe sex. In their attempts to suppress anything sexual, those who want nothing to do with sex have in fact helped perpetuate all that they are afraid of.
Sex can be great. It can be fun. It can be one of the best things physically you do with another person. In fact it's that hope that a lot of people prey on. I'm not even talking about just porn, which is blatant in its promise of sex. Sure you could be on some less than family-oriented site where there are ads to grow your penis or how there are thousands of horny girls just begging for you to give it to them. It's the hollow promise that if you click on their link then you'll be rewarded with fantastic sex. In actuality it's probably just something to distract you so they can take your money when you have your pants around your ankles. It's an old trick with modern parts. Anyway as I was saying, it's not just porn, but nearly every commercial that uses sex as its basis. Buy this product because the implication is that it is sexy or will help you to get laid. Often times we're very simple creatures and it's not that hard to manipulate us. The thing is that even the best sex is fleeting. I'm not talking about the time it takes for the actual act (which even in marathon mode is short in the big picture), but rather the time it takes before it stops being great. In a weird way sex is like working out. The first few times your muscles are not used to the strain and are getting the most benefit from lifting the weight or running a certain distance. In a usually short time the muscles have adapted and the same number of repetitions are no longer producing the same results. You either have to increase the weight, the repetitions, or change the rotation. If you don't the work out becomes stale. Sex isn't much different. What was great yesterday may not be great tomorrow. Even if you change things up on a regular basis that firey passion will eventually fade. That isn't a bad thing. If you're lucky, what comes after the passion can be better.
So maybe you're with someone whom you've had great sex with. Maybe it's not great anymore, but still very good. It's not to say that there won't be great moments again, but that peak was reached awhile ago. It's in those times when things aren't as good as they once were that people may start looking for that high again. It's very similar to drug use and chasing after that first initial rush. We as a species can become bored quickly. It's easy to stop appreciating what you have because it's not new anymore. Some people watch bad TV when they're bored. Some people eat even when they're not hungry. And some people go out and have sex when they're bored. Now I haven't taken a survey or anything, but I would imagine the rates of adultery go up in the winter when there is less to do. The same is probably true during times of war, but that's most likely less out of boredom and more from the fact that people just get lonely. I suppose one could also argue that there is some biological imperative built-in. If your mate is absent and likely to die then the most logical thing to do to continue the bloodline is to sleep with your neighbor.
In the end we become pretty stupid when it comes to getting a little bit of pleasure. It's been the basis for wars, murder, lies, and heartbreak. Strange how something that can feel so good can cause so much pain.
Wednesday, April 21, 2010
On Sex
I was originally going to write about another topic, but I couldn't remember what it was so I'm just going to write about this instead.
What's the deal with sex? Why is there such a taboo with it and everything surrounding it? Along with money it seems to be one of the major driving forces for nearly everything (and I suspect that in a lot of cases the money is just a means to sex). I get that it feels good, but what I don't get is how it can mess with people in strange ways.
Let's start at the beginning. We're one of the few known species that has sex for reasons other than procreation. This can be for fun, for control, for anger, or for sheer boredom. Most other species stick with its original purpose, to continue the species. Whatever force or circumstances that created us this way saw to it that sex was pleasurable, mostly as an incentive for passing along the genes. It makes me wonder if other species feel pleasure during the act or if they're incapable of expending precious energy simply for fun. I'm sure ancient man figured out pretty quickly that while it was necessary to make sure there were enough littles ones around to replace them that the act of replacing themselves was its own reward. Back then it important for the strongest of the species to continue on so fidelity was less about love or commitment and more to do with making sure you weren't wasting time on someone else's genes. I think there is a part of that ancient thought process still embedded in our brains today.
If you've ever been cheated on then you know that feeling that you've been betrayed. The thing is do you know why you're upset about it? If the other person has sex with someone else it would seem obvious, but why? People say all the time that they want others to be happy. So wouldn't it stand to reason that when having sex, even with someone else, that the other person is happy at that moment? As a side note to that I don't believe that someone has to have sex in order to cheat. For me it's all about intention. If you go to have coffee with the intention of doing something more, then you're cheating. Whether you get naked or not doesn't matter because mentally and emotionally you've already stepped out on your partner. Maybe that's an overly strict sense of cheating, but that's how I think. Anyway back to what I was saying. So your partner is in bed with someone else and unless they've done so to intentionally hurt you then why is it such an act of disloyalty? Is it going back to that old thought of someone else could be passing along their genes with the one you've chosen? Is it just about the pleasure associated?
People have a lot of insecurity when it comes to sex. Are you well-equipped physically? Do you know how to do that thing with your mouth? Can you go for hours? And more importantly, how do you compare to others? It seems we've been brought up to constantly worry about these types of things. Sometimes we think about them to the point that they paralyze us from ever acting or create this fear that we'll never measure up (metaphorically).
What is it about the act that feels so personal? A hug feels good. Eating a well made meal can bring us gratification. Something about sex goes beyond those feelings and outside of certain drugs, it's the best feeling we can have. Is it because it's potentially the best thing our bodies can experience that with it also can come the price of having the worst possible emotional fallout? I think there is a bit of ego involved when it comes to sex. We all want to believe that we're good at what we do. People want to believe that the feeling they experience is somewhat unique to them or at least between them and someone else. So when someone cheats is the problem with the fact that the other person went somewhere else to find pleasure, making it seem that what you're doing is simply not enough? Is it just a matter of a bruised ego or is there something more to it?
Saying sex feels good is kind of like saying the ocean is wet. The fact that it feels so good I think is part of the problem we have with it. It's a guilt thing that's been hammered into our heads, be it from religion or other people. There is this weird idea that we shouldn't feel this good and if you do then you're doing something wrong. By nature I think humans are sexual creatures and attempting to suppress those feelings leads to larger problems. It doesn't seem natural to only have sex with one person and only after you've had a ceremony that says you're committed to just them. Or stranger still are those out there that never have any kind of sex because it's going against their beliefs. It's been said the only abnormal sex life is no sex life.
I've joked that the only time I'm not thinking about sex is about 30 seconds after I've had sex. On any given day how often do you think about sex? It can be as subtle as seeing an attractive person or as overt as a fantasy about the act itself. I have to assume it constantly paints the way we see things on a moment by moment basis. There are studies on its effects on the psyche. There is a billion dollar industry dedicated to showing us people having sex in every way possible. Obviously even when people are having regular sex there is some kind of need for more. It's not exactly something that is forgotten about the moment after it's done.
Some could argue that it's the most intimate you can be with another person so that's why it's so meaningful to us. Still there are those out there that have sex casually and think of it as just something fun to do with another person. For them there is no emotional attachment. I guess either point of view is valid. The question is why have we allowed it to become so important to us?
What's the deal with sex? Why is there such a taboo with it and everything surrounding it? Along with money it seems to be one of the major driving forces for nearly everything (and I suspect that in a lot of cases the money is just a means to sex). I get that it feels good, but what I don't get is how it can mess with people in strange ways.
Let's start at the beginning. We're one of the few known species that has sex for reasons other than procreation. This can be for fun, for control, for anger, or for sheer boredom. Most other species stick with its original purpose, to continue the species. Whatever force or circumstances that created us this way saw to it that sex was pleasurable, mostly as an incentive for passing along the genes. It makes me wonder if other species feel pleasure during the act or if they're incapable of expending precious energy simply for fun. I'm sure ancient man figured out pretty quickly that while it was necessary to make sure there were enough littles ones around to replace them that the act of replacing themselves was its own reward. Back then it important for the strongest of the species to continue on so fidelity was less about love or commitment and more to do with making sure you weren't wasting time on someone else's genes. I think there is a part of that ancient thought process still embedded in our brains today.
If you've ever been cheated on then you know that feeling that you've been betrayed. The thing is do you know why you're upset about it? If the other person has sex with someone else it would seem obvious, but why? People say all the time that they want others to be happy. So wouldn't it stand to reason that when having sex, even with someone else, that the other person is happy at that moment? As a side note to that I don't believe that someone has to have sex in order to cheat. For me it's all about intention. If you go to have coffee with the intention of doing something more, then you're cheating. Whether you get naked or not doesn't matter because mentally and emotionally you've already stepped out on your partner. Maybe that's an overly strict sense of cheating, but that's how I think. Anyway back to what I was saying. So your partner is in bed with someone else and unless they've done so to intentionally hurt you then why is it such an act of disloyalty? Is it going back to that old thought of someone else could be passing along their genes with the one you've chosen? Is it just about the pleasure associated?
People have a lot of insecurity when it comes to sex. Are you well-equipped physically? Do you know how to do that thing with your mouth? Can you go for hours? And more importantly, how do you compare to others? It seems we've been brought up to constantly worry about these types of things. Sometimes we think about them to the point that they paralyze us from ever acting or create this fear that we'll never measure up (metaphorically).
What is it about the act that feels so personal? A hug feels good. Eating a well made meal can bring us gratification. Something about sex goes beyond those feelings and outside of certain drugs, it's the best feeling we can have. Is it because it's potentially the best thing our bodies can experience that with it also can come the price of having the worst possible emotional fallout? I think there is a bit of ego involved when it comes to sex. We all want to believe that we're good at what we do. People want to believe that the feeling they experience is somewhat unique to them or at least between them and someone else. So when someone cheats is the problem with the fact that the other person went somewhere else to find pleasure, making it seem that what you're doing is simply not enough? Is it just a matter of a bruised ego or is there something more to it?
Saying sex feels good is kind of like saying the ocean is wet. The fact that it feels so good I think is part of the problem we have with it. It's a guilt thing that's been hammered into our heads, be it from religion or other people. There is this weird idea that we shouldn't feel this good and if you do then you're doing something wrong. By nature I think humans are sexual creatures and attempting to suppress those feelings leads to larger problems. It doesn't seem natural to only have sex with one person and only after you've had a ceremony that says you're committed to just them. Or stranger still are those out there that never have any kind of sex because it's going against their beliefs. It's been said the only abnormal sex life is no sex life.
I've joked that the only time I'm not thinking about sex is about 30 seconds after I've had sex. On any given day how often do you think about sex? It can be as subtle as seeing an attractive person or as overt as a fantasy about the act itself. I have to assume it constantly paints the way we see things on a moment by moment basis. There are studies on its effects on the psyche. There is a billion dollar industry dedicated to showing us people having sex in every way possible. Obviously even when people are having regular sex there is some kind of need for more. It's not exactly something that is forgotten about the moment after it's done.
Some could argue that it's the most intimate you can be with another person so that's why it's so meaningful to us. Still there are those out there that have sex casually and think of it as just something fun to do with another person. For them there is no emotional attachment. I guess either point of view is valid. The question is why have we allowed it to become so important to us?
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