I was originally going to write about another topic, but I couldn't remember what it was so I'm just going to write about this instead.
What's the deal with sex? Why is there such a taboo with it and everything surrounding it? Along with money it seems to be one of the major driving forces for nearly everything (and I suspect that in a lot of cases the money is just a means to sex). I get that it feels good, but what I don't get is how it can mess with people in strange ways.
Let's start at the beginning. We're one of the few known species that has sex for reasons other than procreation. This can be for fun, for control, for anger, or for sheer boredom. Most other species stick with its original purpose, to continue the species. Whatever force or circumstances that created us this way saw to it that sex was pleasurable, mostly as an incentive for passing along the genes. It makes me wonder if other species feel pleasure during the act or if they're incapable of expending precious energy simply for fun. I'm sure ancient man figured out pretty quickly that while it was necessary to make sure there were enough littles ones around to replace them that the act of replacing themselves was its own reward. Back then it important for the strongest of the species to continue on so fidelity was less about love or commitment and more to do with making sure you weren't wasting time on someone else's genes. I think there is a part of that ancient thought process still embedded in our brains today.
If you've ever been cheated on then you know that feeling that you've been betrayed. The thing is do you know why you're upset about it? If the other person has sex with someone else it would seem obvious, but why? People say all the time that they want others to be happy. So wouldn't it stand to reason that when having sex, even with someone else, that the other person is happy at that moment? As a side note to that I don't believe that someone has to have sex in order to cheat. For me it's all about intention. If you go to have coffee with the intention of doing something more, then you're cheating. Whether you get naked or not doesn't matter because mentally and emotionally you've already stepped out on your partner. Maybe that's an overly strict sense of cheating, but that's how I think. Anyway back to what I was saying. So your partner is in bed with someone else and unless they've done so to intentionally hurt you then why is it such an act of disloyalty? Is it going back to that old thought of someone else could be passing along their genes with the one you've chosen? Is it just about the pleasure associated?
People have a lot of insecurity when it comes to sex. Are you well-equipped physically? Do you know how to do that thing with your mouth? Can you go for hours? And more importantly, how do you compare to others? It seems we've been brought up to constantly worry about these types of things. Sometimes we think about them to the point that they paralyze us from ever acting or create this fear that we'll never measure up (metaphorically).
What is it about the act that feels so personal? A hug feels good. Eating a well made meal can bring us gratification. Something about sex goes beyond those feelings and outside of certain drugs, it's the best feeling we can have. Is it because it's potentially the best thing our bodies can experience that with it also can come the price of having the worst possible emotional fallout? I think there is a bit of ego involved when it comes to sex. We all want to believe that we're good at what we do. People want to believe that the feeling they experience is somewhat unique to them or at least between them and someone else. So when someone cheats is the problem with the fact that the other person went somewhere else to find pleasure, making it seem that what you're doing is simply not enough? Is it just a matter of a bruised ego or is there something more to it?
Saying sex feels good is kind of like saying the ocean is wet. The fact that it feels so good I think is part of the problem we have with it. It's a guilt thing that's been hammered into our heads, be it from religion or other people. There is this weird idea that we shouldn't feel this good and if you do then you're doing something wrong. By nature I think humans are sexual creatures and attempting to suppress those feelings leads to larger problems. It doesn't seem natural to only have sex with one person and only after you've had a ceremony that says you're committed to just them. Or stranger still are those out there that never have any kind of sex because it's going against their beliefs. It's been said the only abnormal sex life is no sex life.
I've joked that the only time I'm not thinking about sex is about 30 seconds after I've had sex. On any given day how often do you think about sex? It can be as subtle as seeing an attractive person or as overt as a fantasy about the act itself. I have to assume it constantly paints the way we see things on a moment by moment basis. There are studies on its effects on the psyche. There is a billion dollar industry dedicated to showing us people having sex in every way possible. Obviously even when people are having regular sex there is some kind of need for more. It's not exactly something that is forgotten about the moment after it's done.
Some could argue that it's the most intimate you can be with another person so that's why it's so meaningful to us. Still there are those out there that have sex casually and think of it as just something fun to do with another person. For them there is no emotional attachment. I guess either point of view is valid. The question is why have we allowed it to become so important to us?
