As I get older the more I remember and the more I forget. There is comfort in the old memories, even if fresh ones aren't that bad. I was fortunate to have a pretty good childhood, although I'm sure while I was in it there were several times when it seemed worse than it really was. For some reason though I can't remember those times when things were bad. Sure there are some lingering memories of things, but lately my mind has been reaching out for those times I remember fondly. It makes me wonder what my brain is really trying to do. Like when we're cold we reach for a blanket because it brings us comfort. Do we remember in the same way in order to bring comfort to our mind?
We like to hold onto places and keep them how we remember them. In some ways those locations represent a physical link to our past, which we may otherwise never have again. As of right now there is no way to go back and experience those moments. They are lost in time and we're only left with our memories to know that they did in fact happen at all. Sometimes it can be scary to think that all the moments and events in our lives will be forgotten given enough time. People who lived a thousand years ago are dust. Most of the things they saw are gone, with only a few pieces left to show that they existed. The thing is those few artifacts only represent a fraction of their lives. Think of everything you own right now. Now take five items at random and try to build a story about your life from that. That's essentially what's being done today when archeologists dig something up. Sure they've gotten pretty good at figuring out what they can from a few pieces, but can a clay pot or some broken trinkets ever really reveal the nuance of the person that created it?
I think this is why we try to preserve things for as long as possible. They provide us with a sense that what we've done matters. That even after we've left this place that something will remain behind for others to see. One could argue that by holding onto the past we don't allow for growth in the future. That could be true. An old building may be a landmark, but its existence could prevent something new from being built. That landmark was new at some point and whatever was there before it had to be removed before the landmark could be there. A few years ago I went back to where I grew up. It had been several years since I had been back home so I wasn't all that surprised that some things had changed. Still I wasn't prepared for some of the little changes.
When I was really little we had a single grocery store called Market Basket. It wasn't a great store or anything, but it was our store. It used to be that inside the store you could be liquor. It was sectioned off, but still inside the actual store. Eventually laws changed and the liquor store had to be moved outside the store. I don't know when this actually changed. For me there is a memory of it one way and then all of a sudden it was different. After awhile the store changed names and we got a mall-like addition to the store. Again I have no memory of the change in process, only a switch from one to the other. The store was now called SuperValu and it was where I got my first job as a bag boy. I only worked there for three months, but in that time I got to see the store in a different way. While I worked there I was able to look behind the curtain at something that was normally mundane. Granted while I worked there it was just a job. When the summer was done I moved onto other things.
So when I was back home my mother was going to the grocery store and I wanted to go because it had been awhile since I had seen the old place. In the years that I was gone it was changed from SuperValu to Safeway. The store I had fond memories of wasn't there anymore. Sure the building was still there, but everything was different. Now don't get me wrong, I like Safeway stores in general, but they tend to all look alike. In fact they tend to be almost generic. The home to all those memories was gone and at the time it felt like my connection to them was lost. I'm sure there are people who remember the store as it used to be. Some people who live there now may have never known it in the various ways I remember. And in some cases there may be someone like me, who is working there now and years from now they may look back on that seemingly generic store with affection because for them it was special.
Our memories and experiences help define who we are and guide us towards our next destination. For a lot of us though we can't quite remember all the finer details of the past. What we've done before is a template for what we're going to do next. So if we can't remember where we've been then what does that do for where we're going?
