Saturday, November 6, 2010

On Ninjas

Ok let's start off right off the bat with the fact that ninjas were not cool. They were actually dicks. The ninja was actually just a thief or assassin, not some whirling dervish of terror that slipped through a hail of arrows unseen. Now granted they did use subterfuge and guile to get what they wanted, but at the time it was considered unsavory. Then again during the Revolutionary War the colonists were considered to be barbaric because they were shooting at officers. Just another matter where what is unheard of at one point eventually becomes common place after a time. Ninjas weren't as cool as movies from the 1970's made them out to be. A lot like how the life of a hired killer doesn't mean you walk through life with wind blowing through your hair while beautiful women seduce you, only to try and kill you later, all with an electronica soundtrack playing subtly in the background. Ninjas at the time were closer to mercenaries or even terrorists for hire. So when people are celebrating ninjas they're really getting excited about a group of people who killed for money, stole for money, or blew shit up for money. That's a little bit like celebrating the guy who breaks into your house to steal your television, slit your throat, and ultimately burn the place down because your neighbor has a grudge against you over that tree that's 3/4ths of the way into his yard.

So where did all this love for these raiders come from? Like most things, it probably started from a story that was mildly exaggerated in order to convince the listener that what was happening was really important. A guy dressed in black was hiding and jumped out to stab someone with a dagger and then ran away afterwards. Now I'm not saying the guy in black didn't have training or wasn't really good at his chosen profession of hurting people. There could have even been a whole group of these guys hanging around a clubhouse exchanging stories about how they stabbed someone without them knowing. The point is that a lot of the story was based on speculation. Maybe earlier someone else had been stabbed in a similar way and it was assumed that since the method was similar then they must be connected. While the two events could be connected, it's also very possible that someone realized the best way to stab someone wasn't to just walk up to them, but rather to hide and attack while they're expecting it. It makes me wonder why more attacks don't happen while someone is sitting on the toilet. Usually when you're there you're thinking about one thing and it's not if someone is going to come busting in and stab you in the face. Well maybe now it is, but that's only because I planted the seed of doubt that sitting on the toilet isn't exactly safe. So the story grew from a guy getting stabbed to a guy getting stabbed by an assassin. That became a group of assassins. That itself grew because let's face it, back there it was a time of folklore and superstition. When you think about it, today is pretty much the same, we just like to think that we're more enlightened. The legend grew and pieces were taken from reality and tweaked to suit the story being told. Kind of like how a movie based on a true story may not resemble the truth by the time the credits roll.

Speaking of movies, I have a feeling that's where a lot of our obsession started. Someone heard about the story of a guy dressed in black who stabbed a guy and decided that he would run with it. With movies it's usually about the visuals. A guy dressed in black may be practical, but not exactly interesting to look at. Being the 1970's and well Asian, there were probably some liberties taken for the sake of making things more compelling. The visual representation of a ninja was widely accepted as being their true form. Much like how Coca Cola essentially cemented the visual of Santa Claus as we know him today, even though they weren't the first to use that image. From that point on people just used that representation when they thought of ninjas. There is a slight problem with this though. If you know what a ninja looks like then it's very likely you know what to avoid. That guy in the black pajamas, yeah you should probably cross the street. Like most assassins, they try to not reveal themselves by wearing a shirt that says "Killer" on it. So I would imagine there was no real official outerwear for ninja clans (if there were such things). If the whole point was to be secretive, then you probably wouldn't know them to be ninjas as they walked past you. Much like how you couldn't tell an insurgent from a civilian until they start shooting at you. Ninjas used all kinds of disguises to get close to their target, including dressing like women and old people. It's not glamorous and flashy. It was practical. Their physical training probably wasn't all that different from their disguises. They were taught to use whatever methods achieved the best results. Think of soldiers today and their training. They are taught what is hopefully the best suited for their task. Why do a flying bird kick after flipping backwards from a wall when a straight sharp punch to the solar plexus accomplishes the same thing? I have a feeling that ninja training would be closer to Krav Maga, which only purpose is to win the fight.

Now I'm not saying ninjas didn't exist or weren't badass. It's just that most likely they were just people who happened to be good at stealing and killing. There are people in South Boston who have those same skills and society doesn't gasp with delight at the idea of them. In fact like with many things, it's the idea of something that is more appealing than the actual thing itself.