Phil Cooper said "I'm saying you've already done plenty of things to regret, you just don't know what they are. It's when you discover them, when you see the folly in something you've done, and you wish that you had it do over, but you know you can't, because it's too late. So you pick that thing up, and carry it with you to remind you that life goes on, the world will spin without you, you really don't matter in the end. Then you will gain character, because honesty will reach out from inside and tattoo itself across your face."
Each of us have regrets. There are moments for us all that we wish we could go back and change. The damage has been done though and all we're left with is the lesson that we take from the experience, hopefully preventing us from making that same kind of decision again. Unfortunately for some of us we have to re-experience those mistakes several times before the moral of the story sinks in. Most people learn by doing. No matter what someone else tells you about a situation, it's nothing compared to doing it yourself. When we are young we are constantly learning new things. With that knowledge comes a sense of confidence that we know what to expect. All too often though there is a bit of overconfidence based on the limited amount of experience we have. We simply don't know better. For most people there is a point early in our lives where it seems like we can do no wrong. The world hasn't slapped us down so we just assume that we can dance in between the rain drops without ever getting wet. Eventually though we all get splashed and realize that up until that point we had been sheltered from a great many things.
I remember a time when I was young and had gone to the drag races with my dad and baby brother. My brother is nine years younger than me and I believe at the time he was maybe three or four. We were in the stands playing as brothers do, which really amounted to circling the edge of tormenting the other as often as possible. My father told us to stop horsing around because the races were about to start. My brother stopped as he was told. I called him over to me. Of course he walked over, unaware of my intentions. When he got close enough I gave him a little push, which was a total shock to him because he thought we were done rough-housing. Since he wasn't expecting me to shove him he simply toppled over backwards and fell out of the stands. The stands were probably elevated about five to six feet up. For a little kid that would be like falling off a roof. To this day I can still see his expression of shock as I pushed him and can see clearly him falling down and out of sight. Thankfully he wasn't seriously hurt, but it was one of those moments where I knew I had done something so bad that saying sorry wouldn't help. That happened twenty years ago and I still wish I could go back and take it back. After all this time I may be the only one who even remembers that moment. My brother's life wasn't seriously altered by that moment because at that age those memories tend to get lost along the way. I don't know that I'll ever forgive myself for what I did, even though I know that I was still a child when it happened. I'm not that person anymore.
We hold onto things like regret long after they occurred because no matter where we are in our lives, that memory has become a part of us. Sure we remember the good stuff that happens as well. Pleasant memories help shape us just as those we wish we could erase. With the happy memories in our lives we often don't so much want to change them. We may want to extend them or make sure that they never fade, but for the most part we simply enjoy them for what they were. With regrets we sometimes dream about what our lives would be like if we had only known what the outcome from our mistake was going to be. Had we known, we may have stopped ourselves from making it in the first place. We all make mistakes. It's part of life though. Those mistakes help shape us into the person we are today. Where would we be without regret? All those lessons we were shown would never have happened, meaning it would only be an eventuality before we blundered into a situation that we should have been prepared for, but hadn't experienced yet. Granted not all regret is life-changing though. In a lot of cases it's just subtle reminders that we're fallible.
As we get older our collection of regrets grow. Hopefully though we learn a little bit from each one and try to minimize the chance of new ones coming along. It isn't always the case though. Because while we may be older and have more experience under our belt, there is always something new to learn. Maybe we won't make the same mistakes twice because we're off making fresh new ones. It's really hard to watch those who come after us walking blindly into the same mistakes. As I said, no matter what's told to us, we often have to experience it ourselves to fully grasp what's out there. Afterward when we get through and see what was being told to us could have saved us some heartache, we realize that we should have listened to those who've lived through it already. As my brother would say "pain retains". The pain of experiencing our own failing is what sticks with us well after the moment has passed.
