If you're anything like me then you've had moments of conflict. Not conflict with someone or something, but within yourself. If you're really like me then it may feel like you're constantly in conflict. Have you ever noticed how often times what you want and what you need tend to be different things? That has been a major theme in the story of my life. I used to think it was a Gemini thing, but the more I've talked to people, the more it seems to be a pretty common thing for everyone in general. We seem to be a somewhat contrary species, especially with ourselves.
I've mentioned before that in life it seems that everything has a cost associated with it. I think that cost really comes into play when dealing with duality. For instance I've always wanted a simpler life, possibly living in the country. I used to visit my grandparents' farm and it seemed like a wonderful kind of life. Away from all the people with nature all around. However, when I was there I would always want the modern conveniences like cable television or a store that sold more than one kind of magazine. That kind of simple life came at the cost of missing out on things I had become used to having. I remember on one of my last visits there I woke up to the sound of Metallica in the distance. It wasn't overly loud, but it was normally so quiet there that sound could really carry. I went outside trying to identify where the sound could be coming from. I finally found that it was drifting in from the farm across the street. Someone was working in their barn and had the music playing so the barn was acting like a megaphone. I sat there and listened to the next few songs, appreciating the irony of how I wanted to get away and as soon as something familiar showed up, I ran right towards it. Having experienced both country and city life, I've found that I want the best of both worlds, which may not exist anywhere but in my head.
The same kind of thing happens when people go camping. When I was a little kid my parents would take us camping in what I consider to be real camping. We would pack tents and travel gear. Plus my parents would dip into their stash of MREs, which I was so excited to eat. My dad would drive for what seemed like forever until we found a spot. Then we would setup tents and experience being out in the wild. The food was different and how you prepared it wasn't like how you'd do it at home. How you spent your day was nothing like how you'd normally spend your time. It was such a drastic change from every day life. At least that's how I remember it. Go to any sporting goods store, hell just go to Wal-Mart and look at all the various things people can bring when going camping. Packing for a camping trip can be more intensive than packing to go on vacation. There are water filtration devices, gas grills, portable picnic tables, and other camp gadgets that make roughing it not so rough. And we can't forget campers. I know lots of people swear by them because once you go camping in a camper you don't want to sleep on the ground again. I can understand that and I'm not saying one way or another is right. Still it seems somewhat contrary to want to head out into nature and take everything with you. It's almost as though you've just defeated the purpose. But that's how people tend to be. They want one thing, but only if that means they can have the other too.
In a lot of cases I think it comes down to the fact that people rarely know what they want. Add to that we often don't know what to do with something once we have it because it may not live up to the expectation we've built up for it in our head. Someone could say that they want to be in a relationship because they think it will make them happier than being alone. Once they get into a relationship they think about how much simpler life was before they had another person to consider. So they start thinking about maybe they want to be single again and the cycle starts itself all over. The reality of the situation could be that what they need at the time is to be alone in the first place, but it runs contrary to what they want.
The whole thing got me wondering if it is possible truly believe in two conflicting ideas. There seems to be a constant battle between our rational side and our emotional side. In many cases the heart and the mind want two different things. When asked about his peace sign on his helmet, Private Joker said "I think I was trying to suggest something about the duality of man", which in the context was both funny and horrible. Unfortunately for us it tends to be the same when it comes to real life.
