I don't know how many people wake up in the morning thinking that today could be the end. I doubt someone gets out of bed and wonders am I going to be murdered by a random act of senseless violence? Is my mundane trip to the grocery store going to end my life? It feels like today there are so many external threats to our safety, even though if you look at the statistics, it's technically safer now than it's ever been. Somehow I can't shake the ever-present feeling that I shouldn't get too comfortable and should always be prepared for something horrible to happen. It's not because my life has a history of terrible incidents. I doubt someone who finds themselves in the middle of a mass shooting or forest fire could have seen it coming because they just faced that same kind of problem last year. I try to not give into fear mongering, however, I can't help but wonder how is my story going to end. I'm old enough now that death is not some vague thing that could possibly happen at some distant time, but instead it could be literally around the corner. This of course starts the runaway train of thoughts that has me wondering will I be ready when it happens? What will happen to my family? Granted when it does happen, I'll be dead so most of my Earthly concerns will no longer be anything I have to worry about. The thing is, I'm still alive, so I'm still worried about what the consequences of my death will be on the world around me.
The whole thing got me thinking about not just my own end, but the end of things in general. For instance, what is going to happen to my car when I'm done with it or the next person after that? What happens to the things in our lives when they're no longer in our lives? Maybe they end up in a festering pile somewhere. If you live in a fairly green place, you may have a vision that all the stuff you use will somehow magically get recycled and put back into the perpetual loop of usefulness. I recycle, but I'm pretty confident that most of the stuff that goes int the bin ends up rotting away somewhere out of sight and mind. For the most part I've been one to try and pass something along if I'm no longer using it. Eventually though, everything comes to its end. What is that though? Most of us probably don't get to truly see the final destination of the things in our lives.
If you were to go back and talk to people from the different eras, it's very likely that they all shared similar fears about the world seemingly spinning out of control. Each one convinced that things had never been as bad as they were right then. Today is no different. The country feels increasingly divided on fundamental issues. Each side is convinced that they are right and treats anyone opposed to them as the enemy. It's gotten to the point that I have to wonder if there is any empathy left in the world beyond the initial shock of sadness as you look at your phone and see that heartbreaking headline with numbers that represent people impacted by some tragedy. I've said before that you have to mentally and emotionally shield yourself otherwise you can drown in the sadness of the world. Still, it seems like the constant barrage of disasters and violence has gotten us to the point that we willingly forget until the next time something happens.
Mass shooting, we argue about gun control and the Second Amendment and how it wasn't the weapon that killed those people, but rather the mentally unstable person. Never mind that we've created a society where it's just accepted that if you want an instrument of death, you just need to go to the store and pick one up. If someone questions that ability, it immediately devolves into a screaming match between two parties who don't want to hear the other side, much less change their mind. So while we argue endlessly, the people who have been hurt by gun violence get drowned out by the rhetoric and posturing. It's easy to debate theoretical ideas in the abstract. When you're running for your life while someone is shooting at you or hearing that someone you love was a victim of unspeakable violence, it must seem that much more hopeless knowing that regardless of outcome, nothing will change. The next person this happens to will experience that same hopeless terror of being a statistic in some debate.
Hurricanes, earthquakes, floods, mudslides, and forest fires all remind us that the Earth doesn't give a shit about our petty little problems. Storms are more frequent and stronger, but as a nation we still can't agree on the scientific facts because doing so would mean some major changes have to happen. That could cost someone money or force them to abandon what they've been doing their whole life. It's one thing to be skeptical of something you don't fully understand. It's another to dismiss it outright because it doesn't match with what's already in your head. It's another thing entirely to purposefully work against the greater good of people and the planet in order to appease those who profit from harmful industries. It honestly feels like our country is being run by cartoon villains. The problem is we don't have Captain Planet or The Avengers protecting us.
Some of the worst aspects of all this is the affect it's had on me internally. I find myself more likely to stay away from people. I'm constantly concerned that people are in it for themselves and will take what they can, when they can. The logical part of my brain keeps trying to remind me that most people are good. They want what's best for their family and the people they care about. Still, as I'm driving down the road, I just see the opposition. Everyone is trying to take. There isn't enough for everyone and someone is going to get left behind. The whole world is not the enemy, but it sure feels like it's not a very hospitable place right now.
