Thursday, August 30, 2012
On the War Within
Sometimes it's possible to have two conflicting thoughts in your head at the same time. It used to be a rarity that this would happen, but it seems to be happening more and more lately. For as long as I can remember I've always been hit with two different ideas of what would potentially make me happy. A part of me wants the simple life. Maybe a nice country house out in the middle of nowhere. To be surrounded by nature and mostly left in isolation. The idea of a more quaint kind of life has always been appealing to me. Now I know that a farmer's or rancher's life is pretty hard work, but at the end of the day you always knew what you accomplished. Maybe it's the dream of being somewhat self-sufficient that was the draw for me. In stories there would always be the main character who had escaped the craziness of the outside world and lived in isolation. A cabin in the woods where they hunt for their food and keep a garden. A faithful dog and horse and the ability to live off the land where all they needed. Some days that sounds like absolute heaven.
The problem is for all the trouble that comes with being around people, there is a lot of good from them too. By nature we're social creatures and crave interaction with others. Granted some of us have a shorter tolerance than others, but being around other human beings can bring out some of the best of us. When we're alone there is little to push us to be more than we are. Sure a person may strive to be better. It's just that when we're by ourselves the only measuring stick we have is what we come up with. Now a great many things can come from being alone. You can really learn about who you are if you ever give yourself a chance to just sit and be alone with yourself. That may sound strange, but try it sometime. Turn off as much external stimulation as possible and just be with yourself. At first your mind may feel as though it's starved for input, but eventually you'll settle down and that's when you'll start getting to know yourself a bit more. You may finally start facing certain things about yourself that you didn't know where there. This can be both good and frightening as sometimes it's easier to brush things under the carpet. There is a reason why solitary confinement is considered a punishment. After awhile we need other people in much the same way that we need food and water. There is something about having people around that we simply have to have. Like anything else, moderation is key.
So there is that part of me that wants to go off and live like Jeremiah Johnson, before the whole being attacked constantly by Indians, surviving off the land and just being left alone. Then there is another part of me that wants something completely different. This part wants to be surrounded by people of various relationships. Friends, family, wacky neighbors, and plenty of that-guy-you-know type people. This part of me also is fascinated with possibilities. Technical advancements. Scientific discoveries. Medical breakthroughs. Our place in the global community. The future of all mankind. This part of me is excited to hear about what new greatness exists just around the corner. I want to be a part of it, even if only on the sideline as an amateur enthusiast. Trivial things like movies, art, literature, and video games are all sources of potential greatness and joy. I see these things and it's like being a kid again, just stunned with happiness that they exist in my time. Not only do I see these things I want to share my experiences with others and have them do the same with me. This is where our craving for interaction with other people really comes into play. I could read something and think one thing and then someone else reads the same thing and thinks something slightly different. We talk about it and we both realize we never would have come to those thoughts without each other. It makes what we read that much more enjoyable because it takes on additional meanings. To me that's the best part of people.
Not very long ago it felt like I woke up one day and it felt like much of the world was annoyingly bad. The things I liked once were now stupid to me. My tolerance for this spreading stupidity was shrinking quickly. Watching TV I'd see more and more signs that we as a society are embracing mediocrity and celebrating the dumb while complaining about how it's not fair that those people over there have it better than us. I was starting to feel very much disenchanted with just about everything. How come I couldn't find joy in the little things like I used to? Things couldn't really be as bad as they seemed. There had to be some good out there in the world. How come I couldn't see it? This is where the two conflicting sides of me start going to work. If the world is full of stupid crap and there aren't any signs of it getting better, then maybe it would be good to extricate myself from the world. It's probably a pretty natural feeling by many people. They see the world seemingly running away into a chaotic mess that has lost all sense of meaning. Why let yourself become a part of this ever increasing problem? Maybe it's just best to escape while it's still an option.
The thing is that even if you don't see the good in the world it's still out there. You're just not looking hard enough. It can be difficult to break out of the assumption that everything is stupid. Sure there will always be stupidity and people who seem to have the sole purpose on this planet to get in your way or make you seriously question our future as a species. For every stupid person out there exists someone brilliant. Someone trying to do good and overcome the idea that the lowest common denominator is good enough. You just have to look for them with a little more effort. It's too easy to accept what's presented to us on a daily basis. That the world is in disarray. That we should be afraid of our neighbor. That we should accept the cheapest possible version of something and be thankful for it. Instead maybe it would be best to stop taking the version of someone else as the truth and go out and see for ourselves. Not everything is going to be wonderful, but not everything is going to be horrifying either. We've gotten to a point where it takes a lot to get our attention so in turn only extremes can catch our eye. Maybe by turning off the so-called filters that actually act as amplifiers we can start to get back to what's real. For me the hope is that by doing so I can hopefully figure out if the two parts of me can come to some kind of agreement on what would make them happy.
The problem is for all the trouble that comes with being around people, there is a lot of good from them too. By nature we're social creatures and crave interaction with others. Granted some of us have a shorter tolerance than others, but being around other human beings can bring out some of the best of us. When we're alone there is little to push us to be more than we are. Sure a person may strive to be better. It's just that when we're by ourselves the only measuring stick we have is what we come up with. Now a great many things can come from being alone. You can really learn about who you are if you ever give yourself a chance to just sit and be alone with yourself. That may sound strange, but try it sometime. Turn off as much external stimulation as possible and just be with yourself. At first your mind may feel as though it's starved for input, but eventually you'll settle down and that's when you'll start getting to know yourself a bit more. You may finally start facing certain things about yourself that you didn't know where there. This can be both good and frightening as sometimes it's easier to brush things under the carpet. There is a reason why solitary confinement is considered a punishment. After awhile we need other people in much the same way that we need food and water. There is something about having people around that we simply have to have. Like anything else, moderation is key.
So there is that part of me that wants to go off and live like Jeremiah Johnson, before the whole being attacked constantly by Indians, surviving off the land and just being left alone. Then there is another part of me that wants something completely different. This part wants to be surrounded by people of various relationships. Friends, family, wacky neighbors, and plenty of that-guy-you-know type people. This part of me also is fascinated with possibilities. Technical advancements. Scientific discoveries. Medical breakthroughs. Our place in the global community. The future of all mankind. This part of me is excited to hear about what new greatness exists just around the corner. I want to be a part of it, even if only on the sideline as an amateur enthusiast. Trivial things like movies, art, literature, and video games are all sources of potential greatness and joy. I see these things and it's like being a kid again, just stunned with happiness that they exist in my time. Not only do I see these things I want to share my experiences with others and have them do the same with me. This is where our craving for interaction with other people really comes into play. I could read something and think one thing and then someone else reads the same thing and thinks something slightly different. We talk about it and we both realize we never would have come to those thoughts without each other. It makes what we read that much more enjoyable because it takes on additional meanings. To me that's the best part of people.
Not very long ago it felt like I woke up one day and it felt like much of the world was annoyingly bad. The things I liked once were now stupid to me. My tolerance for this spreading stupidity was shrinking quickly. Watching TV I'd see more and more signs that we as a society are embracing mediocrity and celebrating the dumb while complaining about how it's not fair that those people over there have it better than us. I was starting to feel very much disenchanted with just about everything. How come I couldn't find joy in the little things like I used to? Things couldn't really be as bad as they seemed. There had to be some good out there in the world. How come I couldn't see it? This is where the two conflicting sides of me start going to work. If the world is full of stupid crap and there aren't any signs of it getting better, then maybe it would be good to extricate myself from the world. It's probably a pretty natural feeling by many people. They see the world seemingly running away into a chaotic mess that has lost all sense of meaning. Why let yourself become a part of this ever increasing problem? Maybe it's just best to escape while it's still an option.
The thing is that even if you don't see the good in the world it's still out there. You're just not looking hard enough. It can be difficult to break out of the assumption that everything is stupid. Sure there will always be stupidity and people who seem to have the sole purpose on this planet to get in your way or make you seriously question our future as a species. For every stupid person out there exists someone brilliant. Someone trying to do good and overcome the idea that the lowest common denominator is good enough. You just have to look for them with a little more effort. It's too easy to accept what's presented to us on a daily basis. That the world is in disarray. That we should be afraid of our neighbor. That we should accept the cheapest possible version of something and be thankful for it. Instead maybe it would be best to stop taking the version of someone else as the truth and go out and see for ourselves. Not everything is going to be wonderful, but not everything is going to be horrifying either. We've gotten to a point where it takes a lot to get our attention so in turn only extremes can catch our eye. Maybe by turning off the so-called filters that actually act as amplifiers we can start to get back to what's real. For me the hope is that by doing so I can hopefully figure out if the two parts of me can come to some kind of agreement on what would make them happy.
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