Spring Canopy

On Between the Raindrops

When we're young many of us believe that the world should be a certain way. As we get older we start to realize that our vision of this idealistic world doesn't always match up with how the world really is. Eventually given enough time we start to give in and accept the reality of how the world works. Sometimes we go even farther and come to expect the worst because our experiences haven't proven that it may be otherwise. While it's easy to become cynical and apathetic in this world, one has to wonder if doing so only helps perpetuate the problem. Sure seeing the world with the eyes of a cynic is a strangely protective way to operate. If the situation miraculously turns out better than we expected, then we're surprised, but we've invested nothing of ourselves and in that way wouldn't lose anything if the world lived down to our expectations. I've talked before about how reality tends to be somewhat dynamic and wholly based on our shared perception of the events around us. If that's true then wouldn't it stand to reason that a cynical person by their very nature is creating a cynical world around them? If reality is shared then those around cynicism can't help but be affected by it. Each of us influences the world around us. We are like pebbles dropped into a lake, the ripples we make eventually reach every part of the water.

Age can either soften or harden us. When I was younger I felt compelled to live by my ideals. Those who didn't share in them were something to rage against. So many aspects of my life turned into a battlefield as I fought to make sure that I didn't give in. The problem with that is that not everything needs to be a fight. It's not always true that if you're not with something that means you're against it, which may be contrary to what certain people would like you to believe. As I've gotten older I've found the intensity of my ideals has faded, but the ideals themselves are still there. With time it becomes easier to accept that the world doesn't always behave the way we'd like. Accepting that doesn't automatically mean you have to embrace that which goes against what you believe. This world is large and there can be a seemingly endless amount of things that we can't control. Even within ourselves there tends to be a certain level of chaos. With that there is still a piece of the world that we can control, which is our reaction to it all.

Some people never lose their ideals. They never become cynical, even in the face of overwhelming opposition. They go through life with that wide-eyed sense of wonder that seems reserved only for young children. They're often mistaken for being naive because how can anyone who's spent more than five minutes in this world not be jaded? Our past is always with us even though we do our best to stay at least one step ahead of it. For some of us the past weighs us down and makes it next to impossible to move forward without constantly looking back at what just happened and assuming it will be what will happen. It's easy to fall into that trap, but today does not equal tomorrow. Some people are able to move through this world without being brought down by it. The past is something that has happened. It's something that is to be learned from, but that's all it is. While most of us carry around baggage from throughout our lives, they tend to travel light. That's not to say they aren't affected by the world around them. It's just that they realize there is a finite amount of energy each of us is given. Why waste it on something that can't be changed? We've all met these kind of people before. They seem to be almost blessed in life. Is that because the universe favors them more? Or is it because if each of us creates our own version of reality they choose to create the best possible version? Now there are no delusions about the way the world works sometimes. There will be times when it seems like everything is working against you and the only thing you can hope to do is keep your head down and keep trudging forward. It's when we make it through those moments and onto the other side that we're in charge of how we move beyond it. It's our choice if we want to contribute to an already cynical world that seems intent on beating us down or if we want to work for something better.

Jungle Fire

Coastal Storm

On Need to Know

Do you know how a CD works? Even if you know how it works is it something you think you could make by yourself? Try something even simpler. Do you know how you would make a pencil? Or how to make the paper to write on if you managed to figure out the pencil?

Our society and most of the world in general has become very interdependent on each other. It's a strange dichotomy that our society is so individualistic and yet we're totally reliant on everyone around us for nearly everything. Each of us has knowledge, but it seems to be isolated to specifically what we need to do for our individual lives. We know our jobs. We know our role and where we fit. We know this because that's all we need to know. Sure some of us may know how to program a computer and build a house. We may know pieces and parts to various things outside our need-to-know lives, but look at all the aspects of modern life and you can see how many holes there are in our knowledge. It's not exactly a bad thing either because not needing to know everything means we're allowed to fill our minds and our time with non-essential things like sports and art. Maybe it's the fact that we stopped requiring each of us to know everything that goes into surviving that we've progressed as far as we have. The theoretical physicist shouldn't have to worry about where her organic bananas come from when she goes to the grocery store. The banana farmer doesn't need to think about the complex computer code that goes into the banking software that tracks his family's finances.

I wonder when it all started. At what point did man start breaking up certain tasks to specific individuals? I would imagine as the groups of people got larger the more granular the tasks became until it got to a point where some people never knew exactly what the others were doing. In fact it's gotten to where we hardly know what kind of effort is put into keeping our society running. So much so that we take it for granted that things will just continue working because someone somewhere is taking care of it. They do their part while we do ours. With that there sometimes comes the assumption that what someone else does must not be that hard to do. How many times have you found yourself sarcastically asking "How hard is it to do this job?" when the power goes out or when something stops working? Just remember before you ask that question know that when something stops working that you're responsible for there may be someone asking the same thing about you.

Some of us may never experience that need to know more than our little part of the puzzle. We hope that things will continue on as they have been, with people knowing what they want to know. Part of me wonders though if we're not due for a reversal where our knowledge isn't so compartmentalized. If that were to happen could you rely on yourself to catch your own food? Could you sew your own clothes? More to the point, is the knowledge you currently have enough to help you beyond your own specific life?

White Flowers

On Stopping

How often do you notice when you stop doing something? Sure sometimes it may be very apparent and even a conscious effort to discontinue something, but in a lot of cases it's not so overly abrupt. In fact sometimes we don't even know that we've stopped something until we force ourselves to think about it. Life may be a bunch of stops and starts, some of which are harder to do than others.

It's been said that it can take anywhere from three weeks to two months to firmly develop a habit. Of course those habits of ours that we dislike feel like they're easier to pick up in a shorter amount of time. The ones we're focused on though may feel like an uphill battle. Think about all the diets or workout plans that never stuck. In the beginning we're determined to make the change. We're conscious of our need to do something and make the effort to implement it. For many of us that focus starts to drift before too long. Without constant diligence we don't even realize we've stopped trying to form a new habit and have gone back to the old behavior.

Starting may be the uphill battle in some cases. Stopping can sometimes be more of a downhill thing. I've talked about all the various people in our lives and how only a very small fraction of them are still in our lives today. We may remember we met someone because it was the start of something. How often do we remember when we stopped knowing someone? There are situations which physically pull people away from each other, but with life there are times when there doesn't need to be any more of a barrier than a forgotten phone call. We may notice that we missed a phone call or a gathering and feel bad the first time. The more times we let it happen though, the easier it becomes to keep letting it happen. The next thing we know it's been six months since you've spoken and you find yourself realizing that overall your life has hardly been affected.

It makes me wonder if we all have a sort of default behavior built into us? If left to our own devices would we simply go back to a baseline set of habits that are essentially hardwired into our minds and bodies? If we are taken from our natural environment for an extended period of time we are forced to stop doing certain things because they're simply not an option. We as a species can be very adaptable. What happens though when we return back to our natural environment? Do we go back to what we used to do? One might think we are bound by that old saying "Out of sight. Out of mind" How much of the things we do would we simply stop doing if we didn't somehow feel they were required or didn't know life could go on without them? Does that mean would could stop anything at anytime?

Fern Forest

On Games

Is life one giant game? We'd like to believe that life is much more serious than some activity we play for entertainment, but if you think about it, life is a lot more like a game than we'd probably want to admit. Look at our day to day lives. We are held in check by a certain set of rules, which at times may seem arbitrary. Or there could be situations where it seems as though there are those who are cheating and managing to gain an unfair advantage. Are the games we play just methods used to prepare us for the real thing? They teach us about following the rules. They show us how to work together towards a common goal. They also let us see other strategies that we may have not thought of before, which forces us to adapt if we want to succeed.

I love all kinds of games. Video games, board games, even mind games are all endless fascinating to me. For as long as I can remember I've been the kind of person who is more concerned with having fun when it comes to a game rather than winning. Some people just can't wrap their head around that idea. If they're going to do something, then they have to be the best at it. They have to win, otherwise what's the point of playing? I suppose I can sort of understand it, but it's just never been something I've concerned myself with too much. If you don't have fun playing then doesn't that defeat the purpose of the game?

Of course I have a feeling that the people who must win at even a simple game also think of life as an elaborate game where they are keeping score against everyone else. While I think it's true that we're all playing the game of life, it becomes fairly obvious very quickly that we're all not playing the same exact version. Take the person next to you and try to compare yourself to them. On the surface you may see things that you can easily compare. How much money they make. How big is their house. How good they look. For some people that is the only criteria needed to believe their "score" is higher than someone else. So for their set of game rules they are the winner or at least winning. The thing is that it's next to impossible to truly compare yourself to someone else in all the ways that matter because different things matter to different people. The nuances of life tend to be so complex that it's hard to do a straight comparison of two lives. Even if we know that in our heads, it's still hard to not compare ourselves to those around us. At the very least we want to confirm that what we're doing is somewhat on track. Otherwise we look back and find out that we've been playing Candyland while everyone else has been playing Chess.

For all my love of games, I don't actually like playing games when it comes to life. Some people enjoy going through life with a strategy where it's them versus everyone else. They treat the world around them as the board and everyone is some form of opponent. You've probably met people like this. They're the ones who hoard their knowledge, afraid that if they share it they won't be in the lead anymore. They are constantly jockeying for power, be it in business, sex, or otherwise. If they don't always have the upper hand then they are in a fight to get it. I'm fine with competition. Without it we have a tendency to stagnate. Competition is what forces us to be better. In that way competition can be healthy for both sides. There are times though when it seems that the competition becomes more important than the end result. It's at that point when people stop caring about being better and only care about winning through any means necessary. You've probably met these people as well. They're the ones who can't open their mouths without twisting things to suit their purpose. As I've gotten older my patience with insinuations and double speak has lowered. I'm a very simple person when it comes to communication. Say what you mean. Say what you want. Be direct if you want direction. If life is a game then aren't we the only player? There will be those who help us and those who hurt us. There will be those that join our team and those who are put in our way for us to overcome. Everyone is playing their own game and we each have our own definitions of winning. The game ends the same way for everyone though. We remove our piece from the board and our score no longer matters, at least not to us because we've moved onto a different game.

White Tree

Coastal Painting

On Boredom

It was once said that if you find yourself bored then maybe it's you who are boring and not the situation. While that may be true some of the time, I'm not sure I completely agree with it. There are going to be times when the world seems mundane. We've all had those situations where nothing seems to hold our interest and to make things worse, nothing seems interesting enough to pursue. So it becomes this self-perpetuating cycle. Now it could be at that particular moment there is nothing happening that can hold our attention. Maybe it's just a passing lull in events and given enough time, like most things, it will pass. There are times though when it's possible there is something else going on.

It can be a strange feeling to be bored. To an outside observer it may seem strange that a person could be bored in a particular situation. We surround ourselves with various pieces of stimulation and entertainment. No matter how exciting something may be, there may eventually come a time when it doesn't hold the same value as it used to. A hundred channels on television and nothing is on. A thousand songs and none of them are anything that needs to be heard again. It even happens with food, where you know you're hungry, but nothing actually sounds good enough to actually eat. In those situations we tend to just settle for something in order to get past it. We eat a piece of chicken. We play the album we've heard a dozen times. We turn to the channel with something well known.

I've noticed that boredom has a strange way of sneaking up on you. Everything may seem fine before and after boredom takes hold. You're sitting around trying to think of what you want to do and it hits you that nothing sounds good. Today's society seems to be so fast paced that our time has gotten to be even more precious. The day can be broken up into thirds and we really only get one of them to do what we want. That's our time, even if it gets sliced up before we can even say "freedom". Strangely enough though our tiny bit of time isn't always used in the best possible way. We find ourselves watching television or surfing the web for almost mindless things to hold our attention. All this is done until it's time to go to sleep and start the day over again. When was the last time you sat in a room without any external stimulation? No television, internet, music, or even written words. It's hard to do because there seems to be a steady stream of information being thrown at us all the time. We've gotten to a point where it's next to impossible to go without something else invading our thoughts.

Going back to the original statement, maybe it's not just the situation that's boring, but in fact ourselves. What if there are times when our brains require that we don't acknowledge outside stimulation? Every night we're essentially required to shut down our brains so that we can rest and refresh. While we're sleeping our mind is busy sorting through various thoughts without us. What if some of our boredom stems from this strange bit of mental limbo where our brain is trying to go through a period of rest, but we just happen to be awake while it's in progress? In that situation it doesn't matter what we try and do because our mind is attempting to do something that can only be accomplished in isolation. If that's the case then maybe boredom comes in two different flavors. One that comes from an outside situation that lacks the ability to hold our attention. And another that comes from within that is really our mind trying to be at rest. The next time you're bored maybe there is a reason for it.